why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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