IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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