I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
