And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
