He felt like a one man threesome
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
