I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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