I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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