when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
