This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
