please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My ass is underappreciated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
