I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
