oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
