I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In America we eat man semen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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