She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
