he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my liver is dry heaving
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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