WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
