his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize