So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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