Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize