i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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