I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
