I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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