4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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