oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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