I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
