So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When are your genitals available?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
