yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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