We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
