Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
