You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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