You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
