he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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