things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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