I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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