Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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