I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
