It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
50% drunk capacity currently
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
