just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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