Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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