We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
