If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
