Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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