I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
