i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
