It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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