My room smells like vodka and shame
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
