i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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