Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
