I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize