I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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