wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
