I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
