There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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