wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
