I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
