the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
