Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize