this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
