I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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