i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Randomize
