the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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