I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
