I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
