If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
