It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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