High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
