I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
