im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
