I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
